My HIV test

I knew in the back of my mind that I will test positive.
I recognized the symptoms.
But, I was hopeful that I would still test negative.
After all, I have tonsillitis.
The symptoms are probably those of tonsillitis.
I was hoping for the best.

It was a beautiful day - Saturday, January 26, 2013.
I waited in line with my bf for the clinic to open.
There were several men lined up outside the clinic waiting for it to open.
I think there were about a dozen guys ahead of me.
I got there 15 minutes early.
After I got in line, more men got behind me in line.

The clinic opened and one by one we approached the desk.
I surveyed the guys in line with me.
Most are whites, one or two are Asians, one African-American, one Latino.
I remember thinking how young most of them look.

The line moved fairly quickly.
It appeared that we were all in line to receive paperwork to fill out and instructions.
Finally, it was my turn at the desk.
I was given several papers to fill out.
The questions were mostly demographic questions like gender, sexual orientation, sexual history, what kind of tests I wanted done.
I answered them and turned them in to another clerk.
I was told to wait and my name would be called.
I waited.
One by one, we were called and escorted to the private rooms.

There were several people in the back room who were there to draw blood.
It didn't take long for it to be my turn. I talked to a counselor who asked me certain questions to get the conversation going.
I talked freely about what brought me in that day.
The unsafe sex I had the previous month.
The last time I had an HIV test done.
The symptoms I have that made me concerned about my status.
I was told about the tests that they were going to do and that the information is confidential.
But, they need to report it to the department of public health if I tested positive.
I signed some paperwork and then it was time for me to get my blood drawn.

After the blood draw, I was told to come back at 2pm for my results, which was about three hours later.
I was with my boyfriend at the time so we decided to have lunch and hang out at the park afterwards.
When it came time to get my results, I told my bf to stay at the park and I would call him later.
I went to the clinic on my own.

There weren't many guys at the clinic.
It didn't take long for them to call me for my turn.
I was called by a very handsome, young, muscular man who took me to a private room.
As soon as we both sat down, he said. "your test came back positive."
I felt numb all over.
I remember looking down and then nodded my head.
I said, I expected it to be positive.
He said a few other things but I don't remember paying much attention.
He asked for me to wait for another counselor who would talk to me about other things.

I was going through the motions of pretending to be interested and just nodded my head.
Another counselor came in and we chatted.
I don't remember much of what was discussed, but I do remember getting several paperwork.
Some of them I signed, some of them I was told I could keep and if I was interested I could call some phone numbers.
I think they were studies I could join, or counseling sessions I could participate in joining if I desired.

After gathering all the paperwork, I left the room and texted my bf.
I told him I tested positive and to come pick me up.
He came by, he gave me a hug and we went home.

I don't remember the rest of that day.
It was a beautiful day - Saturday, January 26, 2013